So you’re divorced. How do you feel? It’s okay to feel nervous going back out into the big wide world all alone, but how do you embrace it? How can you make it yours? Here are 6 tips to help you do just that:
1. Self-indulge in your newfound independence
You’re now independent (whoop!), which means you can explore different lifestyle options without having to consider the needs of a partner. The world’s your oyster! Try indulging in the following freedoms:
- Sleep in – stay in bed all day
- Eat whenever and whatever you want
- Spend time exploring your interests
- Travel to places on your bucket list
- Leave the dirty dishes until there is no more space
- Clean until your heart’s content
- Watch your favorite programs
- Dance around the house to any music you choose
- Get your favorite take out
In a nutshell; take some time to revel in the freedom of ultimate independence.
There’s joy in being able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it. Obviously if you have children you might not be able to do all of these things. If you are sharing custody you can. If you have full custody, enlist a friend and babysit each other’s children so you each have time for self-care. Embrace those things during your time alone that may seem selfish, but remember you are important too.
2. Make a list of new opportunities
You have a multitude of opportunities available now that you’re no longer tied to your ex. Write out a list of things you couldn’t do while married. Start big and work your way down to the small things. Your list might include the following:
- Work late
- Have kids
- Sleep late
- Stay up late
- Eat a certain kind of food
- Redecorate in a particular style
- Go out with friends
- Learn to…
- Social activities
- Own a pet
- Live in the city or the country
Go down the list and decide which of these things you previously could not do are now opportunities you’d like to experience with your newfound freedom and independence.
3. Decide what you want the new you to look like…and make it happen
You can create a new life plan. Perhaps your ex lived in the country, wanted to have five kids, and didn’t want to travel. Maybe you’ll want to work contract jobs in big cities, and bring your partner and children with you as you explore the world. Maybe your ex didn’t want kids, so you might look for someone who does.
Similar to the above, you are independent now. Take some time out to make a list and discover what is most important to you. There’s no reason you shouldn’t have the life you want, especially if you sacrificed your dreams in your previous relationship.
4. Throw yourself into advancing your career
Now that you’re putting the emotional drama of your divorce behind you, it’s time to build your career into something you’re proud of. Have you fallen down on your duties at work because of the divorce? Did the problems in your marriage hinder your performance or prevent you jumping on career opportunities?
Take the time to make a career plan. What do you really want to do? Are there advancement opportunities at your current place of employment? Perhaps you want to start your own business or go into business with a friend.
Gain satisfaction from your career as you devote yourself to it with renewed energy. This will be a motivating factor in the new post-divorce you.
5. Get dating and enjoy it
Dating does not just have to be about finding a mate for life. The world has changed. There are many reasons people date these days and many ways to do it. Not only does dating make you feel excited, it takes you back to that place whereby anything could happen. Dating gives you a new lease of life and can build your confidence.
The most important thing when dating, but moreso when dating after divorce is to be honest about who you are and what you are looking for. If you’re only after friendship to share hobbies, make that clear. If you’re seeking a bit of casual sex — and there’s nothing to be ashamed with in that, again— be honest (and be careful where you go looking!). If it’s love and a mate you’re after who is understanding of separation and divorce there are even dating websites that focus on connecting divorcees. Have fun, don’t take it too seriously but get out there and start mixing with people sooner rather than later.